Wow, its been about 3 months since my missed miscarriage. Its been such a rollercoaster to say the least. To be perfectly honestly the first month was the hardest, I felt myself keeping track of “I should be this amount of weeks pregnant” “I should of known the sex by now” “maybe we would of started the nursery” ect.. I had a lot of what if’s and challenging times. I feel so optimistic most of the time, but I did have my moments of sadness sometimes. I am not looking forward to our due date, what do people do? I mean it is so depressing to think we should of been bring a baby home July 25th and we won’t be. Do I work? Take a small trip? Stay home and watch netflix? I honestly don’t know, I think as time gets closer I hope time has healed more of wounds. I am thankful for this experience and looking forward to the time I get to be pregnant again. I feel so fortunate to even be able to be pregnant for 14 weeks.
It is so important to take time you need, I have a feeling this will never leave me. I will always have a little piece of my heart gone, but I just makes me happy to think there will be one more angel on the other side waiting for me.
My body has changed so much, I feel so healthy and alive. It is nice to not have pregnancy pains even though I would give anything to have them right now. Training for our half marathon and eating healthy always makes me happy. It is so crazy to see your body change in such a short amount of time being pregnant and not being pregnant.
I’ve started to work again, I made sure to take some time and digest what had happened and allow my body to start to heal after going through such a traumatic experience. Then once I felt ready I begin to work and work a lot. I have been international 4 times, California and over to Hawaii in about a month and half. I really feel like I don’t sleep and just work. It has been a blessing to keep me busy, but I do miss my slower pace days of being home.
Keloni is amazing, he has been my rock through everything. I really do feel grateful for his love and guidance in our small family. Ive never loved anyone so much in my life, as sad as this has been for us it has intertwined our love and family more (even though I didn’t think that was possible). I find myself always wanting to be around him, I appreciate him so much and the love we have in our family.
Now we are getting ready for Keloni to be done with his final days of the academy and we are off to Japan! Keloni and I always take a trip somewhere for our anniversary and birthdays and this year is my year to plan the anniversary. He has been dying to go to Japan, so Japan it was! We will be spending about 12 days there and can’t wait. We will also be spending Easter there so it will be exciting to have that memory together. So keep your eyes peeled for Japan this week, if you have any recommendations send them my way!
Until next time..